How to get your mining NVQ in 10 easy steps.


This whole list is courtesy of one of my work colleagues. If anybody doesn’t know what an NVQ is, (and you probably won’t if you live outside of the UK), I have already Googled it for you. Here is the wiki link. This NVQ will be particularly useful for those pre-emptively scouting out hidey holes for the apocalypse, or those planning on moving to District 12.
(NVQ coursework “down pit”, total marks = 40)
1 – Explore a previous unchartered section of the mines and map it (without a torch) – 10 marks
2 – Catch a rat – 2 marks
3 – Camp in the mines overnight without a torch or any food – 3 marks
4 – Lower yourself by harness into a hole over 50 feet deep to a rescue a fallen colleague, and then winch him back up (even if he’s dead) = 3 marks
5 – Do a fifty metre backstroke in an underground river = 5 marks
6 – Design your own “Kill Thatcher” picket sign, using felt tips and glitter = 4 marks
7 – Compose an original sing-song to sing to the men to cheer them up during long shifts = 1 mark
8 – As the group rookie, test all the men’s hard hats before each shift by banging your head really hard against a rock wall = 2 marks
9 – Ride the mine cart at over 50mph on your own, and then use the correct technique to brake and stop = 4 marks
10 – In the event the elevator near the surface stops working, practice climbing up the last part using nothing but hands and feet, with at least five bags worth of coal stuffed into your sock, shirt, and underpants (to ensure you don’t return empty handed) = 6 marks
—–
All achievements to be signed off and verified by your mine liaison.
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